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I wasn’t expecting today to be intimidating, because I’ve been preparing (fleshing out concepts, working on my story idea, outlining plot, developing characters) for the entire month of October.  But it was.  Last night I had a last minute panic attack and saved several Word documents with scene prompts as a contingency. Still, I experienced a bit of the dreaded “blank screen syndrome.” 

What surprised me most was that I seem unable to write my novel chronologically. (I’m curious if this is common – please tell me in the comments). I wrote a sad goodbye that happens later in my novel, and then moved backward in the story to when those two characters meet for the first time.  Eventually I wrote the scene I had in my outline as the opening, but now I think it may actually come right after the “real” opening.  Since I won’t be editing until December 1, I’m letting it stand as is.

Also, today’s quota of 1700 words was not accomplished in one sitting.  I started, stopped, took a break, did something totally unrelated to writing, started again and then repeated that sequence a few more times.  I have scheduled time to work on my novel before I start my day, so this does not bode well for the week day when I have paying work that I must accomplish. 

I’ll let you know later in the week how I handle that hurdle.  At least for today, I’m pretty pleased with my progress.

Thank you to Debbie Ohi of Inkygirl.com for the use of the above cartoon.

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Jodi Cleghorn in her post The 21 Days of NaNoWriMo « Write Anything  basically reveals what I think is the real benefit of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) – establishing a writing habit.  It is a lot like Self Magazine’s March Makeover (do they still do that?), which  helped to establish a healthy eating and exercise habit in the participant’s life.

I write for a living, so essentially I’m writing everyday.  However, it’s “reactionary” writing.  When I had a cubicle job, I wrote in reaction to the day’s goals and deadlines.  Now with my freelance clients, I write in reaction to the specific project deadlines.  This is great for learning how to circumvent “writer’s block,” but it is not conducive to forming a writing habit.

Since I’ve ventured into the freelance periodical market, I am training myself to research and write in the mornings and early afternoons, and market in the late afternoons.  I’ve established a routine, which mimics in some respects my cubicle days.  It gives a sense of structure to my day, and slowly the schedule becomes habitual – much like an actual job.

My responsibility towards my clients keeps me on track and motivated in my work.  I am hoping NaNoWriMo jumpstarts my personal creative writing projects – beyond journaling for three pages every morning.  I want to write towards a goal.

So, I’ve pledged to write a 50,000 word piece of fiction by the end of November.  I’ve set aside a few hours every morning before my “day job” to work on this.  I would like to reach the word goal by November 30, but regardless I’ll be a winner if I have established a writing habit by the end.

writerfish NaNoWriMo, What I've Learned & From Whom I Learned It fiction, NaNoWriMo, national novel writing month, novel, writing, writing habit

I have always thought it would be cool to write a novel like Michael Chabon or A.S. Byatt.  If I could be a novelist, of course I would want to be one of Pulitzer quality. Throughout the years I’ve daydreamed about it – usually about actually sitting at a desk writing what I knew to be my novel.  In my daydream, I wrote stories with the confidence of an experienced and applaudable writer.

In my real writing life, I write stories about music programs in the inner city and arts-based preschool programs for at-risk three to five year olds, hoping to win something more valuable than a Pulitzer for my clients. I seek funding.

I’ve never thought of myself as a fiction writer, but for the month of November I’m going to try my best to play one.  I’ve joined the ranks of thousands participating in what is affectionately called NaNoWriMo – or National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write a 50,000-word novel by midnight, November 30.  Because you only have thirty days, the only thing that matters is output.  As it states on the website, the object of this exercise is to “…build without tearing down.”

I find the whole premise liberating.  I don’t think I could have attempted a novel under any other circumstances.  Quantity, not quality is key.  I am free to write crap.  In fact, it’s almost expected that I’ll write crap.  I feel so comfortable with this goal, that I’m willing to put myself out there and pledge to the world that during November, I will be writing crap.  It will be so perfect in its craptitude that the public will just marvel at its crappiness.

So, I’m free to experiment, to try things out, to not really know what the &*%($#! I’m doing and just do it anyway.  I cannot tell you how much I’m looking forward to this.

P.S. There aren’t many rules to NaNoWriMo, but this one stands out: “Write more than one word repeated 50,000 times.”  Drats! I guess I’ll have to fall back on Plan B!

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 Bad career advice: Do what you love | Penelope Trunk’s Brazen Careerist

I, too, bought the book mentioned in Penelope Trunk’s post when I was fresh out of college, but ignored what it said to pursue a bunch of different careers.  And I’m not sorry about that – I’ve worked at some pretty interesting jobs, and I wouldn’t trade my education and experience for anything. 

What do you think about the statement to do what you are?  Since childhood I’ve been a writer and am lucky enough to get paid for it in my adult life. Whether I’ve been paid or not, writing satisfies a need deep inside of me to communicate and bond with others through shared experiences. I don’t always love the job, though.  As with all jobs, there is a pressure to perform, there is donkeywork (filing, calendars to keep, and bookkeeping), and there is a third party to please.  Writer’s block is a luxury.  Even if you can’t think of a thing to write you have to plow through, all the while hoping that something useful and well written is created.

I’ve had jobs I loved for the process (bookbinder, designer), jobs that I loved for the satisfaction derived from the work (writing), and jobs I disliked (not naming those – burning bridges and all that). All I know for certain is that if you are working in a profession that doesn’t meet your intrinsic intellectual, ethical and moral standards, you will never be happy, have a tremendous amount of stress, and possibly a shortened lifespan. 

So, maybe it’s not about doing what you are or what you love.  Maybe it’s about doing work that supports who you are and what you believe.  For me, it’s writing.  For my friend, it’s owning a bike shop.  For another friend and her husband, it’s organic farming.  Perhaps to love the work that you do, it has to be personal.

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I have several ideas I’m pursuing this week and a couple of matching publications in my queue to query. I’ve read most of the blogs and the books about freelance writing and freelancing in general.  And I absolutely don’t feel ready to put myself out there, so surely I must be ready.  Just afraid.  The fear will wane – it’s fear of the unknown, after all.  The best cure for that is to just do it.

So, I’m doing it!

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